I read, therefore I quote

Jan 15

Posted by Amy in Everyday life

I have never participated in the reading-quoting day Julie at Pragmatic Compendium has, but this week (a day late even) I felt it so relevant that blogging it seemed necessary.

This month our bookclub host, also named Julie, although not the same person, chose “Water for Elephants”. I won’t lie, I wasn’t hugely interested in it when I read the synopsis.  That quickly changed when I started reading it; I ended up reading the first 209 pages in one night before the promise of early rising children brought me to my senses and forced me to go to bed at 2 a.m.

(If you have any interest in reading this book, you might not want to continue. My quote is from the end of the book and will certainly give away details of the story’s direction. In other words: spoiler alert.)

“Those were the salad days, the halcyon years! The sleepless nights, the wailing babies; the days the interior of the house looked like it had been hit by a hurricane; the times I had five kids, a chimpanzee, and a wife in bed with fever.  Even when the fourth glass of milk got spilled in a single night, or the shrill screeching threatened to split my skull, or when I was bailing out some son or other — or, in one memorable instance, Bobo [the chimpanzee] — from a minor predicament at the police station, they were good years, grand years.

But it all zipped by. One minute Marlena and I were in it up to our eyeballs, and next thing we knew the kids were borrowing the car and fleeing the coop for college. And now, here I am. In my nineties and alone.”

I have been given a wonderful gift.  I am able to stay home with my children, to watch them grow, to guide them like a stranger can not.  I feel like I’ve taken this for granted – a lot.  This journey was begun with good intentions, but I know that I have lost my way.  If this were a “real” job, in the “real” world, I would have surely been fired long ago.  All too often I do things on my agenda, not with their benefit considered.

I don’t usually make New Year’s resolutions. I don’t believe in making a resolution on some random day.  Most people I know make resolutions that are either too vague to make any sense or too stringent to be attainable.  However, this year I am vowing to change how I perform my job. I want to savor these days because they do go quickly.  I can not believe that Luna will be 3 in less than 6 months’ time.  This is time that I should be able to look back on and see halcyon years, not regret even one minute of it or wish I had done it all differently. My children are amazing little creatures gifted to me by a higher power, and I need to do a much better job of stopping, listening, and responding, rather than reacting to the situation of the moment.  Does it really matter if we are late to karate?  Not in the grand scheme of things, no.   A teaching moment for Brady is what that will be: the only person to lose out is you.  Do I need to freak out when Luna hides things or climbs in her closet?  Nope.

So this is my resolution: respond with love, don’t react with anger or frustration; appreciate my children; spend more time teaching them and less time worrying about lists, cleaning, schedules, and routines.

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Baby it’s cooooold outside…

Jan 7

Posted by Amy in Everyday life

…and I love it!  I’m pretty sure I am the only person in my area that is enjoying this cold weather.  Sure it is a bit inconvenient trying to figure out what to put on my children since we don’t own many cold weather clothes.  Sure it can be difficult to figure out which pair of flip-flops give the most foot coverage.  But I was so far over the heat that I’d take snow tonight if Mother Nature would oblige.

Since it has been chillier than average this time of year (it has been in the upper 40’s during the day), we have spent a bit more time indoors than we normally would have. In doing this three things have come to my attention: 1) My family can make a mess of a clean house in 2.3 minutes, 2) This house is a perpetual wreck, and 3) My 10 year old vacuum cleaner sucks, and not in the good way it is supposed to.

I decided Tuesday to do some deep cleaning in my room.  My bedroom, where the dogs spend a lot of time and the children dump anything and everything throughout the day.  (Why is that?  They have their own perfectly good dumping grounds, for crying out loud!) In attempting to vacuum my bathroom suite, I noticed that nothing was coming off the floor.  Nothing. As in zilch, nada, zero.  Oh, and the belt had broken. Again.  I was done. I was angry at the Kenmore green beast and new it had to go.  I called TallHusband and inquired whether it was currently in the financial stars for me to get a new sucker.  His words: “Sure, of course. Why don’t you go get a Dyson?”

*insert eye roll*

I love my husband, but he’s so impractical sometimes. Why should I go spend $400+ on a vacuum for 3 bedrooms and a bathroom? Had we not just gotten new feaux wood flooring, I would have jumped at the chance.  But now it just seemed wastful.

Since I poo’d the Dyson, he told me to get what I thought was best. I hate it when he does that. I don’t like spending hundreds of family dollars at my discretion.

I took the evening to do some research and found what I thought was a perfect solution: Shark Navigator!  So perfect that I ridiculously bought it online at sears.com and checked the option to pick it up at the store that night (plus buying it online gave me an additional $5 off their already 15% off sale price).  After dinner, since TallHusband was working late, I put the kids in their warm jammies, bundled them into the car, and headed up to Sears to get my new vacuum before bedtime.

IT ROCKS! Seriously it’s the best vacuum I’ve ever owned for carpet. I am amazed (and utterly disgusted) at what it is pulling out of my carpet that my old one had been missing. YUCK.  I am now on a cleaning mission; I have my room torn apart and am determined to get it cleaned and liveable again by tonight. My next step is to figure out a better way to organize the things that habitually get put in the wrong place. There needs to be a better way to organize it all.  Maybe once I have completely assessed the magnitude of organizational help that I need, I will post some pictures for ideas.

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Financial institutes… UGH

Jan 2

Posted by Amy in Not-so Everyday Life

Tonight I found a credit card bill on my desk.  Actually I found it in my Inbox, but whatever.

The actual e-mail I received read the following:

Your account may qualify for a special Citi payment program.  (Oh, lucky me.)

Dear (Me),

We’ve noticed there’s a small past due balance on your account.  (Notice that they acknowledge it is small. This will be important to remember in a minute when you see the picture.) You can get back on track quickly and easily when you:

1. Sign on or register at www.citicards.com
2. Click the “Make a Payment” button
3. Pay the balance on your account

OR

Call 1-866-544-6447 and pay by phone. (Outside the U.S., Canada and Puerto Rico, call collect at 1-816-420-1360)

Everyone misses a payment once in a while. But by clearing this small balance now, you can avoid additional late fees. (Again with the small thing.)

Please make a payment today and bring your account back to good standing with Citi.

___

Ok, so they’ve now sent me an e-mail acknowledging it is small.  A SMALL balance.  Honestly, I rarely open a statement from them “on time” because I NEVER use my card. I do not have credit card debt anymore.  When I do, it’s because of an emergency where a large sum was necessary, like when I had $1600 worth of dental work done a few months ago and needed to wait for insurance reimbursement.  Apparently, however, in November, showing on my December statement, one of my long-standing accounts was on auto-renew and I forgot about it. Oops.  It was a $39 bill.  There was $39 now past due on my credit card. That’s it.  This is the first charge I’ve had to this account in probably close to a year. I have had this card since 1995 and have never been more than a few days late on making a payment in those 14 years.  I’ve also never gone over my limit, never had issues, and have a very high credit score.

And still I was hit with this little doosey when I logged in to pay my small bill…

Click to see it full size

Click to see it full size

And I was REQUIRED to fill it out. They were now treating me as if I was some delinquent who had thousands of dollars in unpaid debt with them. I have to say, I was a bit offended!  Now, I realize that times are a-changin’ in the financial world, but seriously, if you have a good customer who has never been late, and is always in good standing, (never mind the fact that my payment was only just now 15 days late on this ridiculously small bill) why require them to answer questions of this nature?

Maybe I’m ranting for no reason.  Maybe it’s silly for me to be irritated by this. I don’t think I’m overreacting though. I think it’s just plain ludicrus.

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2009 Blog Carnival Recap

Jan 2

Posted by Amy in Everyday life

I have a big long post ready to go for the new year, but can’t quite seem to get it all out and “on paper”, so to speak. Until I can find 10 minutes of quiet, uninterrupted time to write (yeah, I know, laugh it up) I figured I’d jump on the bandwagon with Julie and join the 2009 Blog Recap Carnival, hosted over at Musings of  Housewife.  So, without further ado, here is the first line of the first post of every month from 2009.

January

A new year, an old routine
“Now that the holidays are over I realized that I have really fallen off the meal planning wagon.”

I seem to go through phases of planning meals and sticking to my budget, and not planning meals leading to the “what should we have tonight” syndrome.  After this post I not only got back into planning, but became super thrifty as well. I’ve just recently gotten back into meal planning again after a two month hiatus.

February

Oh the many things on my mind
“First thing’s first: Brady updates.  Brady lost another tooth on Sunday morning.”

This entire post was about my need for structure, for routine. It sounded good.  My laziness apparently took over and I did not continue. The post still rings 100% true, though.  I need routine. I need structure. I am going to go back to this post this week and rework it for the coming months.

March

Hi!
“Brady had his karate “graduation” on Friday.  He is now officially a yellow belt!”

It was nice to go back and see little Luna and her infinite Hi! Karate graduation is always such fun! Our contract is up this month, but I believe that we will continue going month-to-month for a while. Brady has benefited from his training.

April

It’s a potpourri sort of day
“I have been flitting around the house doing a million things today.  I’ve finally just stopped long enough to eat a sandwich and make a quick post.”

So often I feel like this is the norm for me. I have millions of things to do every day, and millions of thoughts flying through my head. I need to make better effort to prioritize my day.  (Are you noticing a pattern here?) Funny thing about this post?  Brady has taken to stalking the neighbor’s daughter again. Every time we drive by and their cars are in the drive way, I hear, “Mom, can I call and see if PinkGirl wants to play? PLEASE?”   haha

May

Warning: Rant ahead, proceed with caution.
“I had a most frustrating conversation with my 85 year-old grandmother yesterday.”

Yeah, that pretty much sums it up. Our conversation revolved around food additives and Brady’s behavior. I feel like this is a battle I fight all too often with people outside of our home. Too many people just refuse to believe that this stuff could effect people the way (I believe) it does.

June

Where is Amy?
MIA!

This year was the year of home improvements starting in June! We ended up replacing the flooring, getting new windows, plus having the entire house cleaned and painted.

July

On the table (last weekend)
“I’ve been too busy to blog properly lately, but I wanted to share two great recipes that I used this weekend.”

I like to try to post recipes when I come across one that the whole family likes. (Honestly it’s so few and far between that it happens anymore, when I find a good one I have to post it!) Recently I’ve been going back through and remaking some of these after my slump of not planning meals. Rediscovering these has been great.

August

Good morning, sunshine!
“I just received a call from Brady’s pediatrician.  She has approved the referral for an occupational therapy evaluation for Sensory Processing Disorder.”

This post was a tiny wrap up of some good milestones. We not only got the SPD OT approval from Brady’s ped., but we also found a milk replacement for a few foods for Luna, and I got over my social anxiety by hosting book club at my house.

September

It’s a run by posting
“The days have been so busy since last week. I have hardly had time to sit and think a coherent thought.”

Am I the only one noticing a pattern through here? I am often having trouble finding time to post. This is something that needs addressing. Mommy needs to carve out some alone time during the day, even if it’s just 20 minutes.

October

Cub Scouts… the dilema
“Tonight was open house, so to speak, for Cub Scout enrollment.”

We never did end up enrolling him in Cub Scouts. Who would have known that M’s dad was in charge of the group?  Yikes. What a mess that might have been!

November

Halloween wrap-up
“Boy, that would have been a great title had one of us been a mummy.”

This post was a mostly picture post of the kids in their Halloween costumes. Of course I also had to boast about the $5 costume I bought years ago that is still a household favorite! Now THAT is saving money!

December

It’s quick, it’s random… it’s catch up time
“I suppose you can consider this a quick takes of sorts, although it’s not Friday.”

December came up on me so quickly. Where did this whole year go?!

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Time keeps slipping…

Dec 29

Posted by Amy in Everyday life

I haven’t had time to sit and blog yet. Who said “winter vacation” is anything of the sort?

I did get this via e-mail this week and thought I’d share it.  I certainly feel invisible most days.

Invisible

No one can see if I’m on the phone, or cooking, or sweeping the floor, or even standing on my head in the corner, because no one can see me at all. I’m invisible.

Some days I am only a pair of hands, nothing more: Can you fix this? Can you tie this? Can you open this? Some days I’m not a pair of hands; I’m not even a human being. I’m a clock to ask, “What time is it?” I’m a satellite
guide to answer, “What number is the Disney Channel?” I’m a car to order, “Pick me up right around 5:30, please.”

I was certain that these were the hands that once held books and the eyes that studied history and the mind that graduated summa cum laude — but now they had disappeared into the peanut butter, never to be seen again.

She’s going … she’s going … she’s gone!

One night, a group of us were having dinner, celebrating the return of a friend from England. Janice had just gotten back from a fabulous trip, and she was going on and on about the hotel she stayed in. I was sitting there, looking around at the others all put together so well. It was hard not to compare and feel sorry for myself as I looked down at my out-of-style dress; it was the only thing I could find that was clean. My unwashed hair was pulled up in a banana clip and I was afraid I could actually smell peanut butter in it. I was feeling pretty pathetic, when Janice turned to me with a beautifully wrapped package, and said, “I brought you this.”

It was a book on the great cathedrals of Europe. I wasn’t exactly sure why she’d given it to me until I read her inscription: “To Charlotte, with admiration for the greatness of what you are building when no one sees.”

In the days ahead I would read — no, devour – the book. And I would discover what would become for me, four life-changing truths, after which I could pattern my work: No one can say who built the great cathedrals– we have no record of their names. These builders gave their whole lives for a work they would never see finished. They made great sacrifices and expected no credit. The passion of their building was fueled by their faith that the eyes of God saw everything.

A legendary story in the book told of a rich man who came to visit the cathedral while it was being built, and he saw a workman carving a tiny bird on the inside of a beam. He was puzzled and asked the man, “Why are you spending so much time carving that bird into a beam that will be covered by the roof? No one will ever see it.”

And the workman replied, “Because God sees.”

I closed the book, feeling the missing piece fall into place. It was almost as if I heard God whispering to me, “I see you, Charlotte. I see the sacrifices you make every day, even when no one around you does. No act of kindness you’ve done, no sequin you’ve sewn on, no cupcake you’ve baked, is too small for me to notice and smile over. You are building a great cathedral, but you can’t see right now what it will become.”

At times, my invisibility feels like an affliction. But it is not a disease that is erasing my life. It is the cure for the disease of my own self-centeredness. It is the antidote to my strong, stubborn pride.

I keep the right perspective when I see myself as a great builder. As one of the people who show up at a job that they will never see finished, to work on something that their name will never be on. The writer of the book went so far as to say that no cathedrals could ever be built in our lifetime because there are so few people willing to sacrifice to that degree.

When I really think about it, I don’t want my son to tell the friend he’s bringing home from college for Thanksgiving, “My mom gets up at 4 in the morning and bakes homemade pies, and then she hand-bastes a turkey for three hours and presses all the linens for the table.” That would mean I’d built a shrine or a monument to myself. I just want him to want to come home. And then, if there is anything more to say to his friend, to add, “You’re gonna love it there.”

As mothers, we are building great cathedrals. We cannot be seen if we’re doing it right. And one day, it is very possible that the world will marvel, not only at what we have built, but at the beauty that has been added to the world by the sacrifices of invisible women.

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